Love and sex. You’ve heard these two words countless times. Maybe you have experienced sex or making love or both. Perhaps you haven't. Either way, chances are that you use these two words in place of one another. But, did you know there is a difference between making love and having sex?
We’ll get into that but first, you don’t need to choose between making love and having sex. There is room for both in your relationship. Sometimes, you’ll be in the mood to just slow everything down for a soulful experience while other times, you’ll want the thrill of having sex. Don't be ashamed. After all, aren’t we all trying to have the best sex life?
Differences Between Making Love And Having Sex
Whilst making love and having sex are both physical, there are things that separate both acts.
1. The Level of Vulnerability
How much of yourself do you reveal to your partner? When making love, you open up and share with him your deepest desires. You become expressive and tell him things like "I love you". You make lots and lots of eye contact. This makes you feel close to one another. You do the same for your significant other. This is what creates that unbreakable bond between the two of you.
Vulnerability also exists in sex but it’s not a motivating factor for you and even him. You will be more worried about being a bad lay, or not lasting or feeling insecure about a specific body part or even sharing your honest desires. All you are looking for is physical pleasure.
2. Are Feelings Involved?
You can sleep with anyone. Isn’t that the whole idea behind hookup culture? Both of you understand your connection is casual and neither one of you expects it to evolve into something serious. All you are looking for is a good time which is why some of you just move on the next day without blinking an eye.
Feelings are a big part of lovemaking because you are looking for that deep emotional connection. You will develop this over time with your love interest. Getting sexual will just be a way of expressing your feelings in a non-verbal way. You will not just up and leave the following morning. You will not just be meeting for sex. In this situation, both of you have expectations from one another.
3. Are You Exclusive?
Is he only seeing you or are there other women involved? If you are struggling to answer or not sure or outrightly know that you aren’t, you are probably in a casual relationship and just having sex. You aren’t in it for the long term which means there’s no loyalty and commitment. Both of you are free to do whatever you want.
But if you are seeking the level of intimacy that lovemaking demands, exclusivity is something you will establish between you and your boo. You want to have this experience only with him and he also wants the same.
4. Is The Sex Mutual?
Truth be told, hookups are about you. You are chasing after sexual pleasure and want to get it as quickly as possible. Whether your one-time partner is having a great time or not, it's the least of your worries. And when all is done, you collect your scattered clothes, hop into the shower and shout your byes when you are halfway out of the door.
But when you are making love, it's not about hitting the heights of sexual pleasure. It's more about the process of getting there. You are affectionate with one another, you cuddle, kiss, exchange prolonged eye contact and soul-touching words and after sex, you still linger in each other's arms.
5. Effort vs Convenience
This is what we mean. You can have sex anytime and with anyone provided he gives his consent and both of you fancy one another. A phone call at night - or whatever time of day he rings you - to go over to his house or any other place, doesn’t cost much. There's no thoughtfulness applied. Just like when you bump into him when you are out and decide to hook up.
For lovemaking, you have to go out of your own way if you want to make the moment feel special. The set-up is something you'll have to work on - having the correct lighting, food, music, props and everything in it needs some creativity and time to pull off. Perhaps you want to create anticipation ahead of your special day. All this you will do with his interests in mind because you want to make it memorable.
6. Is There More To It Than Sex?
If you only meet up to have sex, chances are that you don’t know anything about him. Maybe, just his name and possibly only the first one. What he likes, doesn’t like, what he does, sometimes even where he stays and other details remain unknown to you. Why bother about the nitty-gritty of his life anyway? After all, he is just a sexual outlet for you.
By the time you make love to your partner, you will know and trust him enough to be intimately open with him. You will know a lot of details about his life - his soft spots and deal breakers, what he’s good and bad at, and who knows, you two will probably be preparing for a future together.
What is lovemaking?
If you have read the points above, you should have a clue of what the definition of making love is. If you are still confused, this is it. Making love is more about emotional connection than it is about physical. It’s not just about what you want, it’s about what you and your partner need to feel satisfied in your sex lives.
We hope that you find this article helpful in differentiating between making love and having sex. Remember, no one is forbidding you from having sex. Go ahead and have your night of passion. Just make sure you understand your situation and you will enjoy the best of both worlds.
Read More: How To Have The Perfect One Night Stand