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Mend Your Own Heart, Sis

You have a choice to do the inner work

BY Patience Emine

Jul 28, 2021, 10:20 AM

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Social media tells us it's ok to not be ok, but that doesn't mean it's easy to be hurt and vulnerable and admit that we need help. Let this be the reminder you need that you can put yourself back together.

As numerous songs tell us, we break our own hearts several times daily, but there's always a way out of the pain. We can start by recognizing all the ways we hurt ourselves, and how we can work to heal too.

By Not Trying

By waking up every single morning and walking around complacent. By confusing monotony with comfort. Routine with settling. Every day for uninspired. When you look at your life and you fail to find any spark, any zest, and any reason to laugh until you ache or dance around from pure excitement, that’s when you’ll be looking at your own life and feeling nothing but disappointment. Disappointment, boredom, and ultimately – heartbreak.

Because nothing is more heartbreaking than realizing you’re existing in a life that does absolutely nothing for you. That your life is simply going through the motions rather than pulsing, fueling, pushing, and pulling. That it has no give and take. That really, when you pull away and really look at it, it is just static.

By Not Speaking Up

You break your own heart when you lose your voice. When you mistake “just listening” for “never being heard.” When you make way for the opinions of others, which is admirable but never find room for your own. When you get so lost in the proverbial shouting of everyone else that you forget to take a second and speak up for yourself. When you do a double-take, triple take, umpteenth-whatever take at your own surroundings and realize that you’ve never dared to take up space.

Because nothing will be more heartbreaking than the moment when it becomes clear that there’s barely room for you in your own existence. That you’ve cultivated a world that somehow doesn’t take you into consideration. That somehow, you exist in a place that doesn’t care about you.

By Hanging On

You break your own heart by refusing to let go of people who have already let go of you. By clinging, scraping, clawing, and grasping onto individuals who didn’t care enough to stay in the first place. By making homes out of ghosts, and filling your heart with empty promises that take the shape of people. When you refuse to say “enough is enough” and metaphorically white-knuckle yourself to people with the quiet hope that they’ll come back and see you were right all along, you’re setting yourself up for the inevitable crash.

Because heartbreak is not avoidable. And no amount of fighting for someone who doesn’t want you in the ring in the first place will stop the hurt from coming. No amount of resistance can make someone love you. No amount of demanding can force someone to stay when they’ve had a foot of the door even when you didn’t notice it. And even though they hurt you, if you prolong it by refusing to allow them to say goodbye and leave, you are equally to blame.

Because heartbreak doesn’t define you, it’s moving on from it that does.
So even when you’re responsible for the pain and the ache and the times in your life that make getting out of bed feel like fighting an uphill battle, you still have a choice. You say to yourself, “Do I wallow and beat myself up for yesterday? Or do I take today as it comes, and try to do better?”

And when you choose the latter, you’ll take the first steps towards healing your own heart. Even if you never even realized you were capable of healing yourself in the first place.’

I hope that this will help you mend your broken heart

Lastly, I hope that everything will be aligned in your favor, and I hope that you will remember how great you are.

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